First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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