Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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