Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
