I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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