When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
love makes seman taste better
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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