Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
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