i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
