I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
