omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
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