I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
