so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
