It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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