There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
