youre lurking in front of me
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
