I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
