I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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