so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
