At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Randomize
