Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
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