she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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