I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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