before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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