xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Randomize
