i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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