How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
oh god was she eating orange peels again
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
