He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
