C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
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