How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
