dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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