so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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