apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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