if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
