what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
