Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
