Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
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I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
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I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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