I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
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