Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
