Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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