Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
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