i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
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we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
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I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
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