Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
