I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
it's like heaven, but drunker
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
