Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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