Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
