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Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
