Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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