so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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