i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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