MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
