I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize
