He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
