mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
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