Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize
