Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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