Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Everything about him screamed your future.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
