Jerry, you need to find god
Only a mothe r could love this liver
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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