so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
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I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
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The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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