well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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