nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
