sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Green mimosas i think yes
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
