I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Randomize
