so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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