So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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