pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
