You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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