Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
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