Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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