if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
my poor anus
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Randomize
