I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
