...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
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