went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Randomize
