Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
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