Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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