if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
