I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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