I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
