What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I am one with the molecules
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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