i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Acid is not a monday night drug
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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