You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
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