i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I just gift wrapped bread.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Randomize
