It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
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I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
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I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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