In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
no you cant smoke seaweed
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Randomize
