Texts From Last Night

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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  what if every blade of grass was a penis?

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  (610): what if every blade of grass was a penis? http://tfl.nu/ka1d
  Replies (34) Good night (4307) Bad night (1217)
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.

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  (203): You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace. http://tfl.nu/24s5
  Replies (48) Good night (7152) Bad night (1094)
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  (727): View more from Florida

  Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...

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  (727): Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons... http://tfl.nu/8jcz
  Replies (16) Good night (4678) Bad night (1030)
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  (519): View more from Ontario

  All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.

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  (519): All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like. http://tfl.nu/ro2k
  Replies (50) Good night (6597) Bad night (841)
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  (732): View more from New Jersey

  come over i need a lifeguard for my shower

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  (732): come over i need a lifeguard for my shower http://tfl.nu/1qns
  Replies (29) Good night (9816) Bad night (1484)
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  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.

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  (405): You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up. http://tfl.nu/06n7
  Replies (8) Good night (3611) Bad night (1093)
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  (757): View more from Virginia

  then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!

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  (757): then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?! http://tfl.nu/zl1v
  Replies (14) Good night (1049) Bad night (4154)
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  (734): View more from Michigan

  I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.

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  (734): I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now. http://tfl.nu/ty03
  Replies (5) Good night (3516) Bad night (805)
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  (519): View more from Ontario

  I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.

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  (519): I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus. http://tfl.nu/vafe
  Replies (5) Good night (4859) Bad night (808)
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  (708): View more from Illinois

  We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance

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  (708): We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance http://tfl.nu/osk3
  Replies (4) Good night (3254) Bad night (648)
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  (757): View more from Virginia

  Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick

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  (757): Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick http://tfl.nu/3rkl
  Replies (8) Good night (607) Bad night (1080)
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  (218): View more from Minnesota

  He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.

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  (218): He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small. http://tfl.nu/riyf
  Replies (17) Good night (370) Bad night (2528)
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  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.

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  (405): I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me. http://tfl.nu/unn4
  Replies (10) Good night (1819) Bad night (414)
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  (775): View more from Nevada

  He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party

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  (775): He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party http://tfl.nu/btv9
  Replies (8) Good night (601) Bad night (452)
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  (520): View more from Arizona

  That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.

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  (520): That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you. http://tfl.nu/jnah
  Replies (1) Good night (539) Bad night (295)

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