I could have mohawked her pubes.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
These 23 People Prove You Don’t Have To Be A 10 To Be Good In Bed
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
21 People That Had The Worst Birthdays Imaginable
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are