You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.