margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Randomize
