he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
This is the high leading the old right now
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
